This Could Be Heaven Or This Could Be Hell
by slincoln0000
Summary: Mass Effect 1 novelization. Femshepley.
1. Chapter 1

**All right. New Shepard, new story. **

**This will be the first of a three part series featuring a FShepard/Ashley romance. If you read Healing, Shay will have some things in common with my other Shepard, Kallian. Thanks to ****dajohu****, sadbluegirl, Hattu, OEMoose, and GlaDOS-01 for the go-ahead. I do hope to edit/finish Healing eventually as well.**

Shay stepped down from the stage grinning. She quickly made her way to the bar where she ordered another beer.

"Hotel California. Really Shepard?"

Laughing, Shay glanced at the bartender, "It's a classic, Paul."

The man looked at her. "If you say so, Shepard. I don't think any of these clowns knew it."

A woman stepped up and put her hand on Shay's shoulder. "He's right, Shepard. And I know you can sing way better than that."

Shepard sipped her beer. "It's karaoke, Lindsay. I'm not here to showoff."

"Collins! Shepard!" A tall man dressed in Alliance fatigues approached the two women.

"Hey, Benton. Dooland finally let you off your shift?"

"Just in time to hear you kill The Eagles, Shay."

Shepard and the man fist bumped and Shepard turned to Lindsay. "See, Collins. Danny gets me."

The corporal rolled her eyes. "You two are ridiculous…Shit. Shepard check your six."

Shay turned around and then quickly turned back. "Oh fuck. That who I think it is?"

The other woman grinned. "If by that you mean the hot redhead you used to sleep with then yes. Hey, Carly! Over here!"

"I will kill you, Corporal."

It was too late. The redheaded woman had seen the three friends and made her way over. "Commander Shepard. It's been too long!" She sloppily kissed the smaller woman's cheek and Shepard grimaced, wiping the lipstick she knew was smeared there off her face.

An uncomfortable silence following during which Danny looked mischievously at Lindsay before they both disappeared. Sullenly, Shepard stared after her "friends" in resignation.

"Hey, Paul. Can I get-" Shay stopped mid-sentence when she realized Paul was already pouring her a glass of jack. She smiled gratefully at the bartender before downing the whole drink.

"So…How have you been, Carly? Still working at The Red Harp?"

Carly had not removed her arm from around Shepard's shoulders and she beamed in response. "Yes. I haven't seen you there in a while. I remembered you used to come here a lot so I've made this my usual."

"Listen, Carly…"

"How was your last mission? Anything exciting happen?"

"Not really, no."

Meanwhile, Shepard's friends had decided to take pity on her and come back. "Hey, Carly, sorry. Our squad is having an exclusive party and we are in need of our great leader. She'll call you tomorrow?" Lindsay said, Danny nodding solemnly in the background.

Carly pouted for a moment but agreed. Before leaving, she pulled the commander to her and forcefully pressed their lips together. Once she was gone, Shay closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them to glare at the other two soldiers. "Was that _really_ necessary? I hate her!"

Lindsay smiled smugly. "Yeah well you should have thought of that before you slept with her."

"I was drunk!"

"Come on, Commander. She's not so bad," Danny interjected. "You always find something wrong with them eventually."

"We are so not discussing my love life right now," Shay responded. Then she laughed. "Come on. We only have a couple weeks leave and I plan on getting drunk tonight. When's the rest of the squad getting here?"

Danny smiled. "Some of them are already here. The rest will meet us later; I told them we'd be here all night."

"All right. Let's go."

…

Several drinks later a very sweaty Shepard was dancing and singing with Lindsay on stage. Danny and the rest of the squad were cheering for their commander and corporal from the dance floor.

When the song ended, Lindsay dragged the other woman down with her. They ended up rolling on the floor laughing before being pulled up by the others. "Shit, Shepard. No matter how many times we do this I always forget how much you suck at dancing."

Shay shrugged and began dancing awkwardly towards the bar. "Now you know how I feel when we sing together!"

Glancing at Linsday, Danny grabbed the commander and the two began swaying side to side. "Don't worry. We'll always love you, Commander. Even if you do dance like a seal on drugs." The rest of the squad cheered in response.

"How the hell do you know what a seal looks like on drugs, Benton?" The commander asked.

"By watching you dance, I can get a pretty good picture."

"Ha. Ha." Shepard responded. "I'll be right back, I'm going to grab another drink."

Lindsay joined Shay in heading back to Paul, and the two sat together at the bar.

"You seem good, Shay." Lindsay smiled at her friend.

Shepard returned the smile and nodded. "It's good to be on leave."

"That's not what I meant."

The commander laughed. "I know. And thanks."

"So, I got my new assignment."

Shepard's eyebrows rose. "You did? That makes everyone but me then. It looks like I'm being transferred."

"You going to be okay without us?"

"Of course. I'll miss your regular bouts of insubordination, but I'll keep in touch."

"Yeah, you'd better." The corporal smiled. "It won't be the same without the three of us being together. It's been four years."

Sipping her beer, Shepard nodded. "Feeling sentimental, Collins?"

"Oh please. As if you aren't? You can play the not taking anything seriously card all you want, Commander, but I know you."

Wrapping her arm around her friend's shoulder, Shepard kissed the side of her head and whispered, "I know you do."  
>…<p>

They were interrupted by the arrival of a sergeant in full uniform. He saluted the commander crisply before speaking in hurried tones. "Orders for you, ma'am."

Lindsay and Shay shared a look as the commander returned the salute. "Go ahead, sergeant…Welton, is it?"

"Yes, ma'am. You're to report in to command. ASAP."

"ASAP? Like now?"

Blushing, the young sergeant shrugged. "I'm sorry, ma'am. That's all I know. Captain Anderson sent me."

Groaning, Shepard looked to her friend. "I'd better go, Linds. Tell the others?"

"Sure thing. Love you, Shep."

"Love you too." Lindsay hugged her friend quickly and watched her leave before heading back to Danny and the others to give them the news.

…

At her apartment, Shepard logged onto the network and scanned her messages.

TO: COMM. C.S SHEPARD.

FROM: CAPTAIN D.E ANDERSON

Shay,

Welcome home. Sorry to interrupt your shore leave, but something's come up. Meet me at 0600 Docking Bay 7d. Tomorrow.

-David.

Glancing at her watch, the commander saw that it was already past midnight and sighed. So much for shore leave. Looking through the rest of her messages, she made note of the all plans she'd have to cancel since it seemed as though she'd be leaving Arcturus the next morning.

Ignoring the time, she made a quick call. "Hey. It's Shepard…"I know it's late, but listen. I have to leave tomorrow…No, I don't know where I'm going…I just got the orders. Rain-check on dinner?...I miss you too. Bye."

Shay sighed and looked around her tiny apartment. It was barely lived in, and it looked as though she wouldn't be staying there long this time either. Sometimes she wondered why she didn't just tell the Alliance to give it to someone else. It was only a kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom. The kitchen and living room were connected by a half wall, making it seem a little less cramped.

There were a few pictures of Danny, Lindsay and her in the living room. Some paintings hung on her bedroom wall. Besides that, there wasn't much else besides for a few more photos next to her bed. Already not having many possessions, Shay had never felt the need to buy more, especially not for decorating a place she hardly went to.

She quickly decided not to bother sleeping that night. Grabbing her duffel from her closet, she threw some pictures and clothes into the bag and zipped it up to leave it by the door. Then she took a quick shower and changed into uniform. Her fridge was pretty much empty, but she had a few old ration bars in a cabinet. She grabbed the least offensive tasting one and wolfed it down.

Looking at the clock, the commander saw it was a little before three, three hours before she would have to be at the docking bay. Exhausted, she slumped onto the couch in her living room and rested her head in her hands. Danny and Lindsay would be so pissed she was leaving without saying goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapters after this will get longer. I just wanted to make Eden Prime it's own, and get some background on the characters. **

Shepard sighed in relief when she finally found docking bay 7d. She'd had to go through four security checks just to get its location told to her. When the doors slid open, her eyes widened in surprise.

The ship was small compared to the dreadnought Shepard had last been placed on, but it was beautiful. The tech looked incredibly advanced, even from the outside. Shay could see why the ship would be so heavily guarded, especially since its existence was seemingly classified.

She saw a man leaning against a wall nearby drinking coffee and approached him. Squinting at his rank, she smiled in recognition.

"Lieutenant Alenko?"

Kaidan turned towards the sound of the voice and choked on his coffee. Black hair. Green eyes. Scar over the left eyebrow. He straightened quickly and drew into a salute. "Commander Shepard. It's an honor ma'am." 

Shay fought back a laugh as she returned the salute and settled for a smile. "At ease, Lieutenant. Mind pointing me towards Captain Anderson?" 

"He's on the bridge, third floor, ma'am. "

Kaidan watched her go and his eyebrows drew together. Something big must be going on if Commander Shepard was brought in to be their new XO. Last he heard she was leading an elite squad out in the Terminus Systems hunting slavers. They wouldn't take her away from that for nothing. He drained the last of his coffee and moved to follow the woman inside. Maybe the pilot would know something.

…

The commander decided to drop her bag off in her quarters before meeting Anderson. An ensign directed her to the 1st floor and she quickly located the XO's quarters. At least she got to get her own room. It was small but she had her own desk and bed, and that's all she would need really.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she traced her scar with her fingers and sighed before leaving to find her captain.

Anderson was standing near the navigation system looking puzzled about something. Shepard noticed that he looked slightly stressed, as if there was something important on his mind. Upon seeing Shepard, his face relaxed into a grin and he opened his arms wide, embracing his former protégé. "It's been too long, Shepard. How have you been?" 

"I've been good, David…I saw that lieutenant you've been telling me about outside. The one you're replacing me with? Want to tell me what's going on?" 

"All in due time, Shepard. I instructed the pilot to wait for you to board, but we're leaving right now for Eden Prime. I'll brief you in a while, just get yourself situated. And you know no one could ever replace you. I've actually been hoping you could train him, scope him out for the N-7 program."

_Eden Prime?_

Shepard nodded at the captain in agreement and then left him to go to the helm of the ship.

"We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination. The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector. All stations secure for transit. The board is green. Approach run has begun. Hitting the relay in three... two... one..."

Shepard barely felt it as the ship approached the relay and kept walking towards the voice she seemed to recognize.

"Thrusters…check. Nagivation…check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift…just under fifteen hundred K."

"Fifteen hundred is good, your captain will be pleased." Shepard heard a turian speak and almost turned around to question Anderson until he spilled. She was interrupted by the turian voice, however, as he walked by. "Commander," he said with a nod.

"I hate that guy." 

"Nihlus gave you a compliment so you hate him?" Shay heard Lieutenant Alenko ask.

"Good!" A voice exclaimed. "That was brilliant! I swear to god if our XO is as much a hardass as he is I'll make his life a living hell."

"Actually, Joker. The new XO is a woman…I met her this morning and you won't believe it, it's Comm-" 

"A woman, really? Well that's bloody brilliant. Next thing you know she'll be-"

"Sure you want to finish that thought, Moreau?" Shay laughed.

Joker jumped out of his seat, sputtering. "Shepard! Anderson didn't tell me he was pinning you for this charade." 

Shay stared at him for a moment. "What do you mean charade?" 

"That turian? That was a Spectre. Nihlus." 

"That doesn't mean anything, Joker. You shouldn't question Captain Anderson," Kaidan interrupted.

"They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs, Alenko," The commander told them.

"Right," Joker responded. "I guess we'll find out soon enough. We'll be at Eden Prime in 18 hours. Well, seventeen since it's me flying. Speaking of. Shepard, have you _seen_ my girl? The Normandy is everything I've ever looked for in a woman."

Shepard barked a laugh. "I'm sure you'll meet a real woman someday, my friend. You're right though. This ship is amazing. I'll be back, I'm just going to make some rounds, meet the rest of the crew." 

…

Joker noticed that Kaidan stared at where the commander had stood long after the woman had left them. It seemed the lieutenant had a case of hero worship. Well, there was nothing the pilot could do about that.

…

A man in full dress uniform waved the commander over when he saw her. "Commander Shepard. I'm the navigator, Pressly. It's an honor to have you with us."

Shepard eyed the man curiously. She didn't understand the purpose of wearing dress uniform while the ship was traveling, and supposed that the navigator might be slightly pompous and conceited. He seemed well enough though, and he'd have to be pretty competent for Anderson to select him for what she was increasingly realizing an elite team.

So she offered him her hand to shake and allowed her lips to quirk slightly at his overbearing smile. Then she caught sight of another familiar face. "I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other, Pressly. But if you'll excuse me there's someone I need to speak with." 

Pressly responded with "Of course, Commander," but the woman was already gone.

…

The doctor's smile turned into a full on grin when Shepard finally saw her and walked towards her.

"Commander Shepard. Fancy meeting you here."

"What the hell, Doc? I felt awful canceling on you last night and you didn't mention that we'd be serving on the same ship together?"

Doctor Chakwas shrugged and hugged the commander. "I missed you, Shay Shepard." 

Acquiescing to her affection for the other woman, Shay returned the hug and smiled. "I can't believe we're serving together. Although if Anderson is putting together his own team I shouldn't be surprised to see you." 

The doctor didn't respond right away, taking a moment to look her former charge over. She looked okay, not underfed. She looked exhausted. Her eyes had the familiar glint in them, however, and her smile seemed genuine.

"You still haven't grown, I see."

"You know, you're the only one I'll let comment on my size. Yes, Doctor. I'm still shorter than you. Unlike you, however, I can take down men twice my size."

"That's true, dear…If it helps you to think that way."

Shay sighed. "Why did I delude myself into thinking I missed you again?" 

"Probably because you did. It's been 11 months since we've seen each other." Karin replied. "And your communication has been very insufficient," she said with a glare.

"I know," Shepard responded as she raked a hand through her hair, loosening some strands that then fell into her face. "Things were pretty crazy in the Traverse…I barely had any downtime."

Karin hesitatingly placed her hand on the commander's shoulder. "Cordelia…I heard about Brienne."

Just as Karin spoke, however, Joker announced via the comm, "Shepard, Anderson wants you in the board room."

With a halfhearted smile, Shepard turned away from her friend and went to find some answers.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Eden Prime is next. I got busy, so here's another shorter chapter to set up for the first mission. _**

**_Yestare70- It's true. It is an ultra-classic. Thanks for the review! I will get back to Healing. I'm considering keeping up with both at the same time, just not sure if that would work._**

**_Hattu - thanks! Joker and Shay's background will be a slow reveal. _**

_**Gabrielle Henson - thank you! I'm going to try not to let any characters get left out. **_

_Shepard rounded the corner with her pisol raised, only decloaking when she saw Brienne standing in the dimly lit corridor. "Why'd you break off from the main squad?" She asked, her voice portraying her anger._

_The commander could just make out her second's grin through the helmet as she spoke, "They were too slow. All clear through here, Commander. You found some children alive?"  
><em>

_In contrast to Brienne's cheeriness, Shepard 's voice sounded tired. "Yes, some," she replied softly._

_Brienne frowned and was about to speak, but just then they heard some scuffling around the bend._

_Shay's eyes widened as she watched Brienne move towards the corner. "Brienne, don't!"  
><em>

_Brienne waved her off, stepping out of cover and began to fire. She then ducked back around. "It was just one, Skipper. I got him."  
><em>

_She didn't notice until too late the grenade that rolled to her feet. Eyes wide, she turned to look at her commander, her face set in horror._

_Shay screamed and raced forward towards the grenade and Brienne, all rational thoughts gone from her mind. She was too late. An explosion burst around her, flinging both her and Brienne backwards. _

_There was ringing everywhere. And it felt like her arm was on fire. Shay groaned and turned her head. Brienne had lost her helmet in the blast. Her lifeless eyes stared at her commander in accusation. _

_Shepard stumbled to her feet and grabbed her weapon from the ground. She got to the corner and hid behind the wall, cloaking herself. There were three batarians that must have hid in a side room while Brienne took out the others. Shay took them out quickly, feeling nothing at their looks of surprise._

_She made her way back to Brienne and held her body to her chest. She felt herself cry for the first time in twelve years. She should have saved her._

Shay jerked awake and felt the tears on her cheeks. She wiped them off hurriedly and stood up. It was 1800; they wouldn't be at Eden Prime for another six hours. Remembering she hadn't eaten since the middle of the night before, she decided to head to the mess and grab a couple ration bars.

It was then that the conversation of a few hours ago came back to her. The turian was testing her for Spectre candidacy. And Anderson was going along with it. It was insane, and Shay didn't know how she felt about it. The first human Spectre? She just wanted to go back to the Terminus System and hunt the bastards who'd killed nearly everyone she loved. But since when had Shepard gotten anything she wanted.

Rubbing her eyes, the commander pushed that thought away. Self pity had never worked for her.

Immediately, she thought of Lindsay and Danny, and how they would have no idea where their commander, well former commander, and friend was. Shepard went to the desk and brought up her terminal.

TO: L.E. COOPER; D.A. BENTON

FROM: C.S. SHEPARD

_Hey guys. I hope you didn't go looking for me; I'm on a ship. It turns out my new assignment started this morning. Sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I'll fill you in when I know more._

_Be safe._

_-Shay_

Shepard sighed as she shut the terminal back down. She knew they wouldn't be happy about her reduced leave, or with her abrupt departure. However, Shay was happy with it. Lindsay and Danny meant well but being around them had been getting exhausting. They thought it was good to talk about Brienne, and all Shepard wanted to do was push Bri from her mind.

"_You knew she just wanted to be like you, Shepard. That's why she broke off…"  
><em>

Lindsay's words continued to haunt the commander; the intent to assure Shepard that it wasn't her fault was lost.

The commander splashed some water on her face and left to pursue some kind of food.

At the mess hall, the commander found Kaidan sitting alone at a table. Figuring it would be rude to ignore the lieutenant, Shepard grabbed some coffee and a ration bar and sat across from him.

Kaidan started when she first appeared, but regained his composure. "Commander," he said with a nod.

Shepard nodded in return. "Evening, lieutenant."

They continued to sit in a comfortable silence. The commander appreciated the lieutenant's reserved nature, finding in him a kindred spirit.

…

Kaidan tried not to stare at the woman across from him, knowing that if he was her he would hate it if people treated him like anything more than a regular human being. It was difficult, however. Especially considering that he'd worshipped the woman from afar ever since her stint on Elysium. He could admit that. To himself at least.

The Alliance had been using the woman as a poster child for several years now, but there were still few pictures of the stoic woman across from him. She was smaller than he expected her to be, much smaller. He guessed that if they stood next to each other that she'd be at least six inches shorter than he was, if not more. Rather than making him doubt her prowess, that knowledge only impressed him further. He knew from the many rumors surrounding the commander that she was very skilled in all forms of combat, hand to hand not excluded.

When she finally spoke again, he blinked in surprise, snapping out of his contemplation. It took him a minute to process what she was asking.

"You're a biotic then?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm an L-2." He waited, expecting the normal expression of fear or contempt, but he received none.

"I'm an L-3. Not the most powerful, but it is definitely useful. I look forward to seeing what you can do. Anderson's told me you're very skilled."

Kaidan blushed. "Thank you, Commander." He looked down before making eye contact. "I normally receive less than pleasant reactions when I mention the L-2 part, even from other biotics."

The woman across from him frowned in what he figured was disgust. "Firstly, if we're going to be working together, call me Shepard. It's what most of my former squad called me. About the L-2 component, people are idiots. I've heard a lot about the L-2 implants, and I know if you were anything less than stable you wouldn't be serving on this ship. Do you get the headaches?"

"Yes, ma'am. Shepard. Don't worry though, they don't interfere with my abilities on the field."

Shepard waved him off. "Like I said, I'm not worried about your abilities, Alenko. Anderson hand picked you. That's enough for me. If anyone ever gives you any trouble about being a biotic, you let me know and I'll deal with them."

Kaidan nodded and struggled to contain his grin to a grateful smile. "Thank you, Shepard. It's refreshing to hear that."

The commander nodded and stood. "I'd better prepare for the mission. It's supposed to be in and out, but in my experience, things are never that simple." Kaidan stood and saluted.

"See you later, Commander." She waved off the salute and left, leaving Kaidan to think about everything that she said.

…

Instead of returning to her quarters, Shay went to see Joker. She knew he was supposed to be on break to get some shut-eye, but Joker never left the landing to others. He'd probably been at his post for all twelve hours.

She was right. "Hey, Jeff. Still don't trust anyone else to fly your babies?"

Joker looked up and grinned. "No way in Hell, Commander. I'm going to be sleeping in the co-pilot chair when I let Jeffries take over. I mean, she's okay, but I'm not leaving anything to chance."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Right. Anyways…What's your take on this mission? I have a bad feeling about it."

Joker rolled his eyes in turn. "You always have a bad feeling, Shepard." At the look on her face, he added, "I admit, they're usually right in your case, but I don't know. Eden Prime is one of the safest colonies Earth's got. I can't see why anyone would want to attack it."

Frowning, Shepard thought about what he said. It didn't erase the feeling; rather, it made her more suspicious. "I guess we'll find out in a few hours. I hope you're right," she replied as she sat down in the empty co-pilot's chair.

"Where is Jeffries anyways?"

Joker smiled. "She said something about not wasting her time enduring my presence and went to help the techs down in Engineering. Her shift is over in a few hours."

Shay laughed. "I like Jeffries. She's been your second for how long? Since I met you a few years ago at least."

Scoffing, Joker replied, "She loves it. And yeah, going on five years. For as long as I've been Anderson's pilot." Then, eyeing Shay sideways, he asked, "How have you been? I've barely heard from you since you were last on Arcturus more than a year ago."

Joker was one of the few people Shay would allow to ask that question. "Subtle. So I'm guessing you heard I lost someone under my command?"

"Yeah. Listen, Shepard. I know you thought of her like a sister, but…"

"I don't want to do this, Jeff."

Sighing, Joker shrugged in response. "The Doc has been worried about you."

"I know…I should have stayed in contact with you guys, but I just couldn't. I needed some time."

"Well you've definitely had some of that."

Joker sounded angry, and Shay swore to herself. "I'm sorry, Jeff. I shouldn't have tried cutting you out. You okay?"

"You know I can't stay mad at you, just don't do it again, all right?"

"Sure. Not like I can now anyways. You, me, and Karin all on the same ship? Can't believe it."

"It is pretty weird. But, it's good, you know? You _need_ me."

Shay laughed and shook her head, thinking to herself that she did need him. There were few people that knew the not deadly serious Shepard, and Joker was one of the them.

…

Anderson found the two of them laughing several hours later and smiled. He approached them and placed his hand on Shepard's shoulder. "You ready?"

"Aye aye, Captain. I'm ready."

Anderson turned to Joker. "We're about a half hour out?"

"Yeah, we'll be there in – wait. There's an emergency transmission coming through."

Shay frowned and focused on the screen in front of them. Immediately, the sound of gunfire and screaming filled the cockpit. There was a woman in pink armor running, and Shepard could see the outline of some of the oddly shaped attackers in the background. They were robotic.

"This is Gunnery Chief Williams transmitting from Eden Prime. We're under attack. If you're getting this-" The transmission cut off in static.

The three looked at each other, all trace of laughter gone.

"I'm going to suit up," Shepard said, "Let Alenko and Jenkins know to do the same, Joker."

Shay was armored and armed in less than fifteen minutes, and she went to stand outside the docking bay. Jenkins was waiting outside it as well, bouncing on his heels.

"Commander! I'm finally seeing some action."

The young soldier was grinning, and Shepard removed her helmet to stare at him coldly. "With that attitude you won't survive long, Private. You make sure to follow my orders or I'll have you back on this ship before you even fire your weapon. People are dying down there. Get serious or take off your armor and wait for us to come back."

Jenkins flinched at the woman's tone of voice and sobered immediately. "Aye aye, Commander. Sorry."

Behind them, Shepard heard footsteps and turned around. It was Doctor Chakwas with medigel. "Here you go, Commander." Looking from Jenkins to the commander quickly, Chakwas nodded her thanks. Shepard could tell that the woman had been exasperated by the younger soldier's giddiness.

A few moments later Nihlus and Alenko appeared and Joker's voice sounded over the comm, "I can't land, the landing zone looks like it's under attack. You'll need to take a shuttle to a couple miles out."

Shepard looked to Nihlus and motioned for the other two to follow her. She called to Joker, "Call Jeffries. We're going in."


	4. Chapter 4

**I didn't want to replay Mass Effect I, so I changed the names of the minor characters. I don't remember any of them.**

**Gabrielle Henson: Thanks! Rushing things is definitely a problem I'm still working on. **

The shuttle touched down quietly. Shepard turned to the pilot, "You'd better take off, Jeffries. I'll radio a pickup, but it's too hot for you to stay down here."

"Sure thing, Commander."

Shepard was about to organize the squad when Nihlus spoke up. "I'll head out on my own, Shepard. Keep in radio contact."

Frowning, Shepard responded, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Nihlus smirked. "I move faster on my own. Good luck, Commander."

Shepard turned to Kaidan and rolled her eyes as Nihlus moved away. Shepard often fought on her own, but not against unknowns. And something seemed off about this colony.

Her face became hard once again, however, as she fell easily into her commander role. "Okay. I'll take point, Kaidan on my left, Jenkins stay right. We don't know what we're up against here, I need you following orders, no questions. You can ask me whatever you want once we're on the ship, but until then you do as I say. The second I tell you to get in cover, you get in cover. Understood?"

Kaidan nodded firmly and Jenkins responded, "Got you, Commander."

On Shepard's signal, the three began the approach to the colony. It was daytime on Eden Prime, and the sunlight highlighted the land's natural beauty. _Eden it is_, Shepard thought. The spiritual part of Shepard wondered what it meant that Heaven was on fire.

"I haven't been back here in years," Jenkins whispered, "I can't believe I came back to this." 

"We'll get the colony back, Jenkins," Kaidan promised. Shay said nothing.

A couple hundred meters in, Shepard signaled for them to get in cover as she mapped their approach. Both soldiers obeyed, but then a faint whistling was heard.

Behind Shepard, Jenkins stood. Kaidan called out to him to get down, but the private left cover and raised his weapon. Too late, the commander noticed and yelled, "Jenkins, get down!"

Kaidain looked ready to leap to the private's side, but Shepard barked out a command, "Kaidan, down! We need to deal with the drones."

Shakily, Kaidan turned back towards the two enemies approaching at a high speed. "Lieutenant – I want you to push as hard as you can against the first one while I deal with the second." 

Not understanding but remembering earlier, Kaidan complied and pushed as hard as he could against the robot's resistance.

Leaning out of cover, the commander fired her pistol at the farthest drone until it exploded. Looking to her left, she saw Kaidan struggling to slow the second. "All right Kaidan, let go!"

The drone's momentum took over and it flew past them, unable to react quickly enough. Before it could turn around, both Shepard and Kaidan fired their pistols. As soon as it went down, they both ran to Jenkins, medigel ready.

Shepard took one look at the wounds and knew it was over, but Kaidan was frantic. The commander realized he'd probably never lost a squadmate before.

"Lieutenant…Kaidan. We need to go. We'll come back for him later, but right now I need you to focus on the mission." 

The lieutenant lifted his head, his face contorted in pain. He couldn't reconcile the smiling, excited private with the motionless body before him. Shepard's hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his reverie and he nodded.

"On your mark, Commander." 

With one last look at Jenkins, Shepard stood up and trotted forward towards the trees. "Trees ahead. It'll mean cover for us, but we might get surrounded before we realize there are enemies. Stay close, we'll stick to the side."

Kaidan stared after her for a moment before nodding and following her. He couldn't understand if it was professionalism or coldness that allowed Shepard to so readily accept the private's death.

Ahead, Shepard internalized the guilt she felt over Jenkin's loss. She would deal with that later. For now, she entered the forest and immediately gestured for Kaidan to get behind a tree. She'd heard a branch snapping ahead. Looking around the corner, she saw two robot type things. She waved for Kaidan to halt and lifted her hand. With her biotics, she pushed one into the other, disorienting them. As they stumbled, she easily took them down before they could raise the alarm.

"My god…Those are _geth,"_ she said into the comm.

Kaidan looked over to her. "Geth? They haven't been past the Veil in years. What are they doing on a human colony?" 

"Let's hope we find out. Be wary – I've read that geth have a hive mind. It's likely they noticed the loss of two units."

The trees evened out eventually with no sign of further enemies. Ahead, they could hear gunfire and they began to run. It was the woman in pink armor. Three geth were moving to flank her.

Shepard ran forward, and as she did she drew out her sniper rifle. She ducked behind a rock and with a headshot dropped the geth that was closest to the soldier ahead.

She watched, impressed, as the soldier rolled towards that side and took out a geth that came upon her cover with her shotgun. As the last geth neared the soldier, Shepard could tell the woman's shotgun was overheated.

"Kaidan, lift!"

Just as Kaidan lifted the geth, Shepard did too. The lieutenant's biotics were much stronger, and together they lifted the geth high into the air. Kaidan held the geth while Shepard fired her sniper rifle again. Heaving, Kaidan dropped the robot to the ground.

The woman ahead checked around her corner before looking behind her for the unexpected rescuers.

Once Shepard got there, the woman saluted. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Thanks for the help."

Shepard nodded, "Commander Shepard. This is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. What happened here?"

Ashley's shoulders slumped, finally giving into some of her exhaustion. "I have no idea. We were on a patrol when suddenly a drop ship landed near the beacon. By the time we got there, the robots were everywhere. My squad was killed. I was pushed back to here. I would have died as well if you two hadn't shown up."

Shepard closed her eyes. "I'm sorry about your squad. Are you injured, Chief?"

Ashley shook her head and Shepard said, "The lieutenant and I are going to try to save the beacon. I could use a third squadmate. You up for it?"

Suddenly, Ashley remembered the woman in front of hers name. It was Commander Shepard. Realization hit her. If it were anyone else asking her that, Ashley would have doubted that three people could take back the colony…but she'd heard stories of the commander. Her face hardened. "Yes, ma'am."

"All right, Williams. Lets go geth hunting."

_Geth_, Ashley thought. It was good to have a name for the attackers, even with the implications the attack suggested.

Shepard took point again and the three made it to the outskirts of the colony before they ran into trouble. A lot of trouble. At the wall, a giant geth machine stood, surrounded by a different sort of geth soldiers that climbed the walls around them. "Stay back!" Shepard shouted. "Stay behind the walls and switch to pistols. Ignore the giant one, go for the ones around it."

Quickly, the three soldiers took down all the geth around them, avoiding the giant blasts from the colossal robot in the middle. Panting, the three regrouped behind a wall. "Okay. We need to hit it when it's about to fire, so spread out. I'll distract it, you two hit it with everything you've got when it tries to hit me."

Shepard shot out of cover, and immediately the colossus began to fire up its beam. Kaidan and Ashley began to fire at it until it unleashed its beam right towards where Shepard was running. The commander easily evaded its fire, diving back into cover. She repeated the routine twice more until she stole a glance. It wasn't going down.

"Cease fire."

Shay popped out of cover and ran at, zigzagging the whole time. She slid beneath the legs and rolled behind it. When she stood, she leapt onto its back, slamming her combat knife between its neck and body. Electric shocks began sparking, and Shepard yanked her knife out and leapt from its back. It exploded a moment later.

"I don't know what the hell that thing was," Shepard stated, "but good work. Let's move out." She looked over the combat knife carefully and Ashley caught a glimpse of what looked like a blue blade before the other woman placed it in the sheath at her hip.

Kaidan and Ashley shared a look. They'd never seen someone move that efficiently before.

"Hell, Commander, you have got to teach me how to do that," Ashley finally said.

The commander spared the two speechless soldiers a glance and shrugged before moving forward, leaving them no choice but to follow.

…..

Ashley focused on the woman leading them for the duration of the trip to the beacon. Shepard moved with a proficiency that was ruthless, almost inhumanly so. The commander didn't speak unless it was to occasionally bark out an order, but she seemed to trust the chief and the lieutenant enough to watch her back if she pressed forward. Ashley found herself surprised by this trust.

Kaidan wanted to check the homes for colonists, but the commander shot him down. He stupidly attempted to argue, but he was fixed with a cold glare. "Do I have to explain my orders to you, lieutenant? Assuming there are colonists alive, they are safe where they are. We are taking out any opposition on route to the beacon, so any humans left behind us are much safer than they would be if we- what? Gathered a train of unarmed colonists and had them follow us? There is no point in wasting mission time just so we can tell them to stay where they are. Move out."

She didn't hold his gaze long enough to see him nod in acceptance before she trotted forwards.

Ashley faltered when they arrived at an empty dig-site. She shook her head at the commander's questioning glance and so the commander activated her comm. "Nihlus, we're at the dig site, the beacon is gone. Status?" 

"Commander. I'm on my way to the space port. I met with heavy resistance, but it looks clear for now. I suggest you and your team meet me there."

"Agreed. Shepard out."

Shepard deactivated her visor and looked around. "Grab some ammo and look for any spare weapons- pistols only. I'm expecting trouble."

Kaidan and Ashley gathered what they could from the boxes milling around, and Ashley noted that Shepard didn't join them in selecting another pistol. She instead loaded as much ammo as she could onto her belt and waited for the other two to finish.

….

They finally arrived atop a hill looking down at the space port. Shepard froze and her two subordinates looked to her for permission to move forward. They followed her gaze to a group of metal spikes sticking up in the distance and two geth lowering a human body to one of them. The soldiers watched in horror as the spike lifted into the ground, the man's screams echoing.

Shepard lifted her sniper rifle and instead of shooting the geth, she shot the human through the head. She followed with focused shots to the geth before the other two soldiers could raise their weapons.

"My god," Kaidan whispered. "What are they doing to them?"

"Don't go down there yet, we have incoming."

Only moments after Shepard spoke, dozens of grey humanoid creatures appeared from around the corner, racing towards the squad.

"Williams, rifle! Kaidan, follow my lead."

Ashley fought the urge to vomit as she unloaded her rifle into the mass of bodies. Kaidan and Shepard took out those they could with their pistols, but a few got past their fire. With a yell, Shepard once again drew out her combat knife, but it elongated into the size of a short sword. She sliced off the wrist of a creature reaching for Ashley before following with a move that decapitated its head from its body. Before Ashley could blink, the commander had pressed forward into the fray. Spinning around the creatures' clumsy movements, she expertly maneuvered her sword, her face stoic though she was outnumbered. A shot from her pistol ended the screeching from the last creature.

Covered in gore, Shepard briefly looked over the forms of the other two, checking for injuries. Seemingly satisfied, she wiped her blade on the grass but kept it at her side. She took in the carnage around them and muttered to herself. "Cannon fodder. What's the point in this?" Shaking her head, she turned to Kaidan in sympathy; he had emptied the contents of his stomach when he realized what happened to the dead colonists.

Ashley was frozen, her face pale. Of the three of them, only Shepard appeared unfazed. "Best not to look," Shepard said softly. "The space-port is down there. Keep your heads on straight. The best we can do now is make sure…this doesn't happen again." 

Ashley stood straighter and saluted in response. She could do that. A glance at Kaidan saw that the words affected him the same. They had Shepard's back.

As they walked towards the port, the events that had just occurred caught up with the gunnery chief. _A fucking sword? Where did that come from?_ She shook her head clear of the thoughts. Like the commander said, their minds needed to be on the mission for now. Everything else could come later.

….

Shepard's eyes hardened at the sight of the dead Spectre.

"Nihlus. This isn't good," Kaidan stated.

"This is the Spectre you were working with?" 

Shepard sighed and crouched next to the body. "Key word. Was. This was an execution. He must have trusted someone to let them this close." Her head snapped up and she looked at a pile of crates in the corner. Kaidan and Ashley raised their weapons and pointed it towards the boxes. "We've got company. Cover me."

:"I know you're there. Come out with your hands raised or I'll use my biotics and rip you apart." Shepard figured this was no time for niceties.

An unkempt man stumbled from cover, "Okay, okay! Jesus Christ!"

Shay eyed the man carefully before placing her sword at his throat. "Did you see what happened here?"

The man stuttered, "Yes! There was another turian – Saren- I think that's what your friend called him. They were talking- he said he was here to help – and then he shot him!"

Shepard nodded. "Saren. Now, how did you escape the geth?" 

His eyes widened. "Geth!? I was…working…I got tired. I fell asleep behind those boxes and when I woke up everything was on fire."

Ashley stepped forward. "You're alive because you're _lazy," _she spat out.

"Calm, Chief. He's not just lazy. He's a smuggler."

"No, I'm not! Why would you say that!" 

"I know your type. I strongly suggest you hand over whatever you may have that could help us before I decide to kill you."

As her sword pressed deeper into his neck, words came spilling out of him. "Everything is in the box over there! I swear, I was only taking small things. No one would miss anything!" 

Shepard took her sword away only to deck him. "Men and women died protecting your ass. Missing weapons you _stole._" Jerking him up by his collar, she dragged him to a pole and handcuffed him. "If I remember, I'll send someone to pick you up for questioning."

"You can't leave me here!" 

Shay ignored him and grabbed what she could from his smuggled goods. They were going through ammo fast. She smiled in grim satisfaction at the collection of sniper rifle mods and fitted what she could to her belt.

…

_We're too late_, Shepard thought grimly. The beacon was there, but the turian, Saren, had escaped on that creepy looking ship.

"Normandy, this is Shepard. Colony is secure, enemy has escaped.

"Commander. It's glowing. It wasn't doing this before." She walked towards it, only to gasp as a force began pulling her towards it.

_What the hell_. The commander didn't hesitate; she launched herself at the other woman, knocking her out of the way before she felt herself lifted into the air by the strange energy.

A scream erupted from her mouth as pain took over her senses. Her body coiled itself against the agony, and then darkness seized her.

Children turned into abominations killed adults unable to turn their weapons on those who might be their sons, their daughters. Screams as a city burned. Tears as a man watched his wife torn apart. Shepard could only watch as worlds ended. This was worse than Mindoir. Worse than Elysium, than Akuze.

She learned to fear the red beams that came out of the metal creatures, for they were not mere ships. Giant metal squid. She would have laughed if they weren't so terrifying. Disjointed images of the carnage they wrought tore at her mind. Through the haze, she learned their name. Reapers.

….

The first thing Shepard was aware of were the tiny daggers piercing her skull. It occurred to her that that didn't make much sense, and she began to struggle against the fogginess that clouded her mind.

"Doctor, I think she's waking up." A voice. Female.

_Where am I?_ She remembered the thresher maws, her squad lying around her. Was anyone still alive? "Riley?"

The commander heard a choked gasp from somewhere in the room, and she finally opened her eyes to a face she remembered but couldn't place. The concern in the brown eyes prompted a flood of memories, and Shepard felt the pang of an old loss.

"I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, ma'am…Do you remember? You saved my life." 

Shepard waved her off. "No worries, Williams. You couldn't have known what would happen." Shay saw the beginnings of a smile on the other woman's face before she felt a hand press against her cheek.

Shay's expression faltered at the intense stare of the doctor. "How long was I out?" 

"Sixteen hours, Commander. You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?"

The commander saw the real questions in the older woman's eyes and nodded her head. She glanced at the gunnery chief and measured her reply. "I was injured on Eden Prime. I'm on the Normandy under the command of Captain Anderson. Joker is flying the ship. Besides all of that, I'm doing all right, Doc. Just a headache."

Ashley looked between the two in confusion. She guessed correctly that the doctor was wondering if the commander knew where she was, but didn't understand the subterfuge. Idly, she wondered who Riley was and why her name elicited such a reaction from the doctor.

Mainly, however, she was relieved that the commander didn't seem to blame her for her injury. In her opinion, the woman had every right to the blame if she felt like it. It was stupid for her to approach a foreign object like that. Her foolishness had nearly killed her hero.

Now her hero lied before her, her scar prominent against the woman's grey complexion. She looked weakened, a far cry from who she was just sixteen hours previously.

When the door hissed open, the commander sat up stiffly and drew into a salute. Ashley reflexively turned and snapped to attention.

"Gods above, lie back down, Shay. It's only Anderson." When Shepard didn't respond immediately, the doctor forced her back down.

Ashley blinked at the informality. She'd noticed when the commander was first brought in that the captain seemed more concern than would be expected. She was barred from the medbay after the captain had taken the wounded soldier from Alenko and her and carried her there himself.

"What happened down there, Shepard?" The captain asked.

Ashley stood up awkwardly, understanding she wasn't necessarily wanted for this conversation. Before she could leave, the commander touched her hand. "Thanks for helping me back onboard, Williams." At Ashley's look of confusion, Shepard shrugged. "Figured I didn't walk onto the shuttle unconscious. You did well down there. Dismissed, chief." 

"Aye aye, Commander. Captain." Ashley saluted and hurried out the door.

The commander waited for the door to close before she leaned back and closed her eyes. A moment later, she felt a cold cloth against her forehead and smiled in thanks. "This is going to sound crazy. Are you ready?"

She half opened one eye to see Anderson's nod. "The beacon was a warning, David. It was filled with memories. From what I could gather, the Protheans were wiped out by a race of sentient machines. They called them Reapers."

David frowned. "You saw all this?"

"I did. I couldn't put anything in order, but I understood that much."

"You realize how this will sound if I put it in my report?"

Shepard sighed. "I know… I think you should just say that I saw the Protheans dying in some kind of war. Don't mention the giant machines. How bad is the situation? Nihlus dying…the beacon destroyed…I can't imagine the brass or the Council is taking it well."

"They're not. We're reporting to the Citadel, we're on our way there now. This is bad, Shepard."

"Everything went to hell. I'm not sure how they can pin the blame on us though. We couldn't expect the geth or a rogue Spectre to be waiting for us."

Anderson patted the commander's shoulder and smiled gently. "Let me deal with this for now, Shepard. Rest up and listen to Doctor Chakwas, she's got rank on you in this We're meeting the Council in twenty hours."

The doctor scoffed and shooed him out the door before coming back to her patient. She sat next to the younger woman and stroked her hair. "When you woke up…you were remembering Akuze?"

Shepard nodded and leaned into the familiar touch. "It was only for a moment. I'm fine." 

Karin smiled softly. "I'm not asking so I can report you, Cordelia. Just tell me the truth."

"Sometimes I hate that you and David know my first name."

The doctor laughed. "I happen to enjoy the privilege. You were saying?"

All mirth faded from Shay's eyes and she looked away. "I thought I was rescued and that I was waking up in the hospital. I didn't remember that everyone died." 

"I figured as much. I haven't heard Riley's name from your mouth in a long time." 

"Enough, Karin. You know better."

The doctor sighed and pulled away, knowing there was only so much the commander could take. "I'd like you to stay here until it's time to get ready for your meeting. I'd like to give you a sedative, but I know you'll just refuse. Would you like anything for the pain?"

"No thank you. It's not so bad now." Karin frowned, but didn't protest.

"Sleep now, Cordelia."

The doctor waited for the commander's breathing to even out before she resumed running her hand through the younger woman's hair. She knew the commander wasn't very receptive to physical contact, but the unspoken restriction was lifted for her. Shepard trusted her, and Karin would do her best to return that trust by providing what comfort she could.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'll have the next part out within the next few days. It should be longer. I just wanted to set some things up a little more.**

Also, I think I'm going to start Healing up again and just keep both stories going. Waits won't be as long now.

"Fuck the Council. And fuck Udina. This is stupid, Anderson. I should be out hunting Saren!" Shepard swore the moment they left the ambassador and the counselors.

Ashley and Kaidan shared a glance before surreptitiously moving away, giving the commander and the captain some space.

Anderson placed a calming hand on Shepard's shoulder and whispered something. They couldn't make out Shepard's reply, but she frowned and motioned for the soldiers to follow her.

"Ever hear of Chora's den?" She asked as they walked away.

"The strip club?" Kaidan asked. "Aren't we supposed to be looking for the turian, Garrus?/"

Rolling her eyes, Shay responded, "Relax, lieutenant. We could all use some drinks and naked women." Ashley coughed and the commander shot her a smirk before glancing back at Kaidan, who was sputtering.

"I won't tell if you won't tell, Alenko," Ashley said.

"Commander…"

Shay finally turned completely around and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "There's an ex C-sec officer there, Alenko. He knows where Garrus is."

Ashley finally let out her laugh as Kaidan turned bright red. The commander smiled, but Ashley didn't think it reached her eyes. Filing that away for later, she placed a hand on Kaidan's shoulder consolingly before following after the commander.

…

Shay burst into the club, her eyes glinting dangerously. "That was bloody brilliant," she said sarcastically. "Saren can just hire a team of mercenaries to get in a shoot out in the Wards and C-sec doesn't even notice. Isn't this supposed to be the galactic capital?"

Ashley and Kaidan were still too shocked to respond. They had just taken out eight mercenaries, one of them a krogan, and Shepard hadn't broken a sweat. The shoot out had lasted less than five minutes before the commander snapped the last man's neck.

It seemed to have been rhetorical anyways, for Shepard suddenly pointed to a sleazy looking man in the corner. "I think we found our guy," Ashley stated disgustedly. The man was already leering at Shepard with a look that made her cringe.

Shepard seemed to have noticed as well, for her mouth twisted and she stalked over. "Hey there," he slurred, "how much for a good time?"

Her eyes darkened and Shepard leaned over menacingly. "I'm not in the mood, Harkin. Tell me where Garrus Vakarian is."

When he instead reached around to grab her, Shepard grabbed his arm and twisted it painfully. "Try that again and I'll break you."

"Jesus," he muttered." She twisted his arm more, "All right all right! He's at some clinic in the Wards. He said something about a Doctor Michel." The commander released him roughly, and his smirk returned as his gaze swept to Ashley. "How about you? You don't look as bitchy as your boss here."

Kaidan scowled and stepped forward, but Shay put her arm out in front of him as Ashley glared at the man before punching him in the face. "Word of advice, asshole. Don't talk to women like that. Especially when they have bigger guns."

Shay grinned and put her arms around Kaidan's and Ashley's shoulders, "Nice form, Chief, next time don't lift your arm as high."

They moved to leave, but suddenly a type of smile Ashley hadn't yet seen on the Commander's face appeared, leaving her breathless. "Wrex?" Shepard whispered, looking at a giant krogan.

The krogan must have heard, because he jerked his head towards the soldiers. "Shepard!" He cried out happily, or as happily as a krogan could sound. They met each other halfway and the krogan slapped Shepard on the back in a way that would have had most humans staggering.

"What are you doing here, Wrex?"

"Trying to kill a human. Fist."

Shepard laughed. "So the usual then?"

Wrex grinned menacingly. "Of course. Feel like lending a hand?"

Shaking her head, the commander said, "I can't right now, big guy. I could use your help though. Meet me at Randy's tonight?"

Looking suddenly serious, Wrex grunted his acceptance. "Sure thing, Shepard." Then he growled as a team of C-sec officers started making there way over. "Imbeciles," he muttered as he stomped towards them.

Kaidan looked at Shepard questioningly and she smiled softly. "Just an old friend." A sad look appeared on the commander's face before it washed away quickly, being replaced by her usual mask of indifference. "Let's go."

…

Shepard set a fast pace to the med clinic, and motioned for them to stop outside the door "Hostiles," she said, taking out her pistol. "On my mark." Motioning with her hand, Shepard kicked through the door, breaking the glass. The thugs jumped in surprise and hesitated before taking cover. "Doctor, get down!" She yelled, shooting the men closest to the hostage.

Ashley and Kaidan took up flanking positions and the thugs went down quickly. The last one was somewhat intelligent, however, and grabbed the doctor, his pistol at her head. "Let me go or she dies," he said.

It seemed to Ashley that Shepard glanced quickly to her left before slowly circling around, her hands raised. The thug moved to turn with her, but suddenly a gun sounded an he went down with a bullet in his head.

Garrus Vakarian stepped out of hiding then, and grinned at the commander, who did not return it. "We don't risk civilians, Vakarian! I was moving to give you a better shot. You could have killed her!"

Looking properly chastised, Garrus hurried to the doctor. "I'm sorry," he muttered, "I wasn't thinking."

Doctor Michel waved him off, "Thank you, Commander. I'm afraid they were going to kill me."

"Why are they after you?"

"A quarian was in here earlier. She wanted to set up a meeting with the Shadowbroker. Told me she had some information on Eden Prime. But I think it's a trap."

Scrubbing her hand on her face, Shay sighed. "What trap?"

"There's a gang leader, Fist. He operated in Chora's den. He's going to kill her and take the information for himself."

"Feel like rescuing another damsel, Garrus?" Shay smirked at the turian.

Garrus' smile returned. "If it's okay, Commander, I'd love to help bring Saren down."

Shay nodded. "Just follow my orders, Vakarian, and we'll get along fine. First we need to recruit a krogan."

At C-sec, Wrex was yelling about needing to kill Fist and a turian was shaking his head in exasperation. "You can't just say you're killing someone and expect us to let you leave, Wrex."

"Ha! Just try to stop me!" Wrex roared.

Ashley watched Shepard's face brighten slightly as they made their way over. "It's all right, officer. We're on Council business, and I need his help."

The turian recognized the human in front of him and sighed resignedly. "I can't say I'll be sorry to see Fist go…Just…It's on you, Commander, if this goes sideways."

Not bothering to respond, they made their way back to the elevator, Wrex eagerly following behind them. "Same target, Shepard?"

"I need him alive for a moment, Wrex. After that, he's all yours."

The krogan clapped his hands together and Kaidan and Ashley glanced at each other in confusion before they began the trip back to Chora's Den.

…

Once again, Kaidan and Ashley were shocked, though slightly less so than before. They were getting used to Shepard's skill in combat, albeit slowly. She and Wrex tore through the small army guarding Fist like paper. Shepard stayed back with her sniper rifle and took out the targets in the back as Wrex ripped through the ones dumb enough to get close with his shotgun.

Garrus, Ashley, and Kaidan stuck close to the commander, taking out any who got by Wrex and recognized the greatest threat in the small human woman.

When they rounded a corner and encountered Fist behind a turret, Shepard ducked out of cover long enough to get a shot off and he collapsed from the leg wound.

After that he told them eagerly where the quarian was meeting his men. "I told you what you want! Just let me go."

Shepard crossed her arms. "It's not up to me." She didn't even look at Wrex before the krogan grinned and shot the man point blank.

"Commander!" Kaidan gasped. "He surrendered!"

Shepard's gaze snapped to Kaidan's and she glared at him. "Wrex isn't under my command, lieutenant."

Ashley knew there was more to it than that, and she frowned thoughtfully .She was conflicted. There was no doubt Fist had caused the deaths of countless people, but who were they to decide who lived and who died? But then, Wrex had helped them, and they knew the whole time what his mission was. Kaidan could hardly have expected the commander to have brought Wrex all that way and then prevented him from finishing his job.

"We need to hurry. The ambush is happening in less than twenty minutes."


	6. Chapter 6

**So sorry. My computer died again and I'm going to finish the pre-Spectre stuff here and move on with the team bonding. I'm not going to decrive missions too in depth since we all played the game- but I will jump around and explain the major decisions. Writing this as I Go – so let's hope it works out. **

The commander looked over the group gathered in front of her and made a snap decision. "There's no time for a regroup. I assume you're in, Wrex?" The krogan jerked his head in the affirmative and Shepard offered him a half smile before setting off in a jog towards the markets.

They came upon the scene just as the quarian girl threw a flashbang and dove behind cover, causing the commander to grin appreciatively before she shot off a quick succession of commands, "Williams cover her! Vakarian- snipers! Alenko get any civilians out of here!"

…

Tali thought for sure she was going to die until she saw a human Alliance officer lead a team of humans, a turian, and a krogan (?) into the markets and start taking out Fist's men with ease. She pondered the strangeness of the situation for only a moment before everything caught up with her and she whipped out her shotgun. One of the soldiers seemed to be protecting her, but there were plenty of targets left for her.

The thugs were a mess- never having a formation to begin with, they were not ready for both Tali to be prepared for battle and for an attack from behind from an elite squad. The krogan and the human leader were carving a path efficiently, the krogan getting in close and the human guarding both his flanks both up close and from a far. She moved fast – appearing wherever the enemies looked ready to form up. They were mesmerizing.

"Commander!" The other human woman yelled and the leader's spun around, noticing the problem before Tali did. _Oh_. A krogan was charging at her and the soldier's bullets were not striking anywhere vulnerable. Resignedly, Tali began firing, knowing her shotgun wasn't powerful enough to stop him in time.

"Wrex-nutcracker!" _What? _The krogan slammed his rifle into the face of a salarian and turned, dropping to one knee. The captain leapt onto his outstretched palm and he guided her jump right towards Tali's cover and the charging krogan. In her shock, Tali dropped her gun and watched in slow motion as the woman drew out some sort of giant knife and landed on the krogan's back, driving the blade through the bare spot on his neck. Even as he fell, the commander rolled and shot two remaining thugs, leaving the last one to the turian.

It was eerily silent for a moment with the absence of gunfire, but then the krogan-Wrex- whooped loudly. "Nutcracker! Still works, Shepard!"

The woman panted heavily but smiled fondly at the giant next to her. "Nice aim, Wrex." Then she looked at Tali and her face grew more serious, "Are you all right?"

Tali approached them slowly, noticing as she drew close that the woman was just shorter than she was. "I am, thanks to you. Are you after my data too?"

The commander nodded, "We are. We just got here from taking out Fist. He told us he betrayed you. We need that data to go after the Spectre, Saren, who we believe is behind the recent attacks. The Alliance will reimburse you for it."

Tali shook her head. "I don't need payment, but I'd like to come with you. I can explain what I found."

The woman paused and her eyes seemed playful as she offered her hand. "Why not? I'm sorry in advance for the words Ambassador Udina will say to you. He's a xenophobic ass and just know I appreciate your help." Tali took the offered hand and shook it, smiling under her mask.

"I'm a quarian. I'd be surprised if he asked me my name."

"Well, I'm Commander Shepard, but you can just call me Shepard. It's nice to meet you…"

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Tali."

"Tali. This is Wrex, Garrus Vakarian, Gunnery Chief Williams, and Lt. Alenko."

The woman turned back to her team and saluted. "Good work, team. We should have enough evidence to bring before the Council now. Alenko- radio the Normandy and have Sgt. Lane meet you here with C-Sec and two uniforms. Fill Sgt. Lane in on the necessities and meet us back on the Normandy once C-Sec has it underway. Be vague and don't mention Saren- just Fist. Leave Tali out of it as well."

…

Shay smiled inwardly when Alenko didn't protest her command even though she knew he must have been disappointed not to go with her to the Council chamber. If this went the way she thought it would, she needed to know she could trust the Lt. to be her second with the soliders. This was going to go from ugly to uglier and she knew from past experiences that the only way this would work out would be if she could trust the people around her.

Her last team was good – the best. She'd been in command, but they were attacking slaver outposts. Stealth missions where everyone knew their job. She'd been able to be aloof from them personally apart from Benton and Daniels and she'd served with them longer. Since after Akuze.

This team was new and Anderson hadn't put together a combat crew. If she was going to hunt Saren then she'd need a team even better than her old one.

Spectre. She would have been okay in the Traverse, hunting slavers. It was why she'd joined up in the first place. Her missions were heavily classified after Akuze and especially Elysium. She was too elite to be the face of the Alliance, but now she'd be the face of the human race. _Fuck, Udina and politics. I didn't ask for this, David._

…

"I was good out there, Captain."

"You were wasting away, Cordelia. You were out there for six years. One of the only times you've taken leave since you were 21 you had to fight an army singlehandedly."

"Elysium would have been run of the mill if it wasn't such a famous colony. It was just my luck that the batarians were stupid enough to attack such an important human colony. I was free from this out there, David. I thought I earned that right at least."

"I thought it'd be good for you, Cordy. I wanted you to come home."

Shay scoffed. "Don't call me that. You thought it'd be good for me to be used like this? If Saren didn't happen I was going to be a publicity stunt. A toy. You needed me and I get that. But don't lie and say you did this for me. You did this for the Alliance. Well, good for you, I'm not Alliance anymore." The younger woman uncurled her fist and dropped her dog tags onto the end table before leaving.

Anderson watched the doors close behind his protégé and hung his head.

…

Outside, Shay blinked back the angry tears and unconsciously traced the S emblem that replaced the N-7 which for years had been painted on her chest. The new red contrasted harshly with her black armor and she scrubbed at it, half heartedly willing it to fade. It was too bright, too red. She'd never liked that kind of red.

**Next: Shepard meets with Wrex and we get some back story- and she gets the Normandy ready for departure.**


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard hadn't been to Randy's in years, but she reveled in its dinginess and quiet. She went to a corner table and ordered a beer, figuring she had a few minutes before Wrex showed up. Sure enough, he arrived just as her beer did and gleefully ordered a ryncol. They drank in silence for a few minutes until Wrex spoke up, "What's going on, Shepard?"

"This is big, Wrex. Bigger than anything I've fought before. And now the universe is watching…I've never worked in the spotlight before."

Wrex frowned thoughtfully and leaned towards the human, "I agree, Shepard. I've got a bad feeling about this. I'd like to come with you. Fighting with you today, I felt more alive than I have in years."

For a moment Cordelia's face lit up and she let out a relieved laugh. "I'd love it if you came with me, Wrex. I don't know any of the new crew. They seem capable enough, but I'm not sure yet if they understand the situation's gravity. You saw Alenko after you killed Fist. He's naïve…this mission will either destroy that or destroy him."

The krogan nodded. "We need a team though. And he handled himself well. And if I know you you've already recruited the turian and the quarian."

Shay smiled, "Yes. They'll be a big help, and you know this mission isn't a human mission. I just can't shake this feeling that something terrible is coming. The beacon…Wrex the memories were the worst things I've ever seen."

For Shepard to say that, seeing what she had seen, going through what she had went through, if Wrex could pale he would have. "We'll gut the bastard, Shepard. We've never lost a fight."

Shepard clinked her glass against the krogan's and smiled, half fond, half sad, "No we haven't, have we, big guy?"

Wrex seemed pleased to have drawn a smile and threw back his drink. "You and me Shepard. I've got your back. The rest will fall in line. You've always been able to bring out the best in your soldiers."

The two ordered several more rounds of drinks before gathering Wrex's belongings and going back to the Normandy. Wrex was surprisingly stealthy and Shepard could easily avoid the late night skeleton crew. She put Wrex in her old room, remembering that she would be in the captain's quarters now. By the time she got there, it was past three in the morning. The room was big, bigger than her quarters on her old ship. She sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned over, burying her head in her arms.

She couldn't believe she was no longer an Alliance soldier and she wondered if the brass had known that when they volunteered her for the Spectre position. There was no way the Council would let her serve two militaries, but she also knew the Alliance would expect her to stay their obedient little soldier. And Anderson, well he knew how much being a soldier meant to her, and how much she hated the spotlight. She couldn't help but feel betrayed by one of the only people in the universe she would have trusted to protect her.

Her terminal was blinking and she sighed, remembering that Benton and Cooper would have responded by now. Sure enough, she got up and saw a message from both of them.

TO: C.S. SHEPARD

FROM: L.E. COOPER

_Shepard! I can't believe we didn't get to say goodbye. We've been hearing strange things around base…Something about a new ship co-designed with the turians? I can't believe the brass would agree to work with them! What's happening, Shay? Everyone's talking but no one seems to know anything. We're shipping out soon – radio silence for a few months at least. Apparently Eclipse is becoming more active in the slave trade-we think they're active a few systems over from Omega. _

_We're going to miss you, Commander. To be honest, I'm a little nervous about the team. I've been promoted to squad leader, but I'm not you. Don't try to make me feel better either- you know it's true. I'm good, Commander, but you were the most successful slaver hunter the Alliance has ever seen. Keep in contact. We won't be able to get your messages for a while, but we have a few more days until we go silent. _

_Stay safe._

_Cooper_

TO. C.S SHEPARD

FROM: D.A BENTON

_Linds already sent you the details, but I just wanted to say goodbye, Shepard. And Shepard- I'm going to propose. I wanted to marry her before this mission started, but there's no way either of us would want to get married without you there. So- god willing if – she says yes, we're going to wait for you. You're our best man. _

_You got Hotel California stuck in my head. Thanks for that._

_Danny_

Shay's eyes watered up at their messages and she thought frantically how to respond. For a moment she thought about not responding at all, not sure how to summarize everything that had happened. But then she remembered Danny's message and she knew she couldn't let them go silent without talking once more.

_Linds,_

_You're going to be great. You're a great soldier and a better leader. The team may be different than it was when I led, but only because it's your team now. I couldn't ask for a better successor. I'll miss you._

You're going to hear a lot about me. Most of it's probably true. There's too much to say in a message, but you'll get the gist of it from the news. You remember the krogan I told you about, from Mindoir and Elysium? He's with me. So are Joker and Karin. So tell Danny not to worry so much about me. And Linds? Say yes.

_Shay_

_Danny,_

_She's going to say yes, Danny. She loves you as much as you love it. It's sickening, really. Thanks for messaging me. I'm sure Cooper will tell you what I said, but watch the news. I can't believe everything that's happened the past few days. You guys won't be able to either. Enjoy the last few days of your leave- keep Cooper safe. You know she's going to try to prove herself. She doesn't need to. _

_You're welcome._

_Shay_

Not two minutes after the messages sent she got an incoming call on the holo from presumably the two of them, but Cordelia hit ignore and threw herself back on the bed. She couldn't talk right now. Wrex was different. Wrex understood her and wouldn't push her to talk about things. He'd let her distract herself because he knew it was what helped her handle everything. Danny, Lindsay, Jeff, Karin…they meant well, but it was like Wrex said once, Shay wasn't as human as the rest of them. They expected her to be human when really she had tried for too long not to be a human and now she got along better with a krogan than her own species.

She loved them, but sometimes, like after Bri and Riley and everyone else, she wondered if it wasn't better to love them from a distance.


End file.
